DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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