feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
