Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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