I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
