we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
