i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
