This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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