if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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