just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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