are you still at the devil's house?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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