ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
