So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
