Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
