worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
