The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
