hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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