do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
