she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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