All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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