I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
