the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
