Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
