I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
