Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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