Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
