the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
