so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
