you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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