"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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