I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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