i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
