It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
