if i can run in heels then i can drive
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
