She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
