Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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