What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
