I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
