Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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