So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
