i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
