I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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