Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
