Its about making memories worth repressing
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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