she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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