Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
