i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
