i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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