ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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