I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
