you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
