bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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