im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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